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Re: DYFS degenerates
Posted by kathy on 1/21/07

    I totally agree with Raynne. The entire message relates to my case. I am 25
    yeaars old, married for two years and recently had a baby boy. I married a man
    who already had a child on his own. We got married 2004 and as soon as we move
    in together, my stepson started creating this story with DYFS that never ends.
    I knew my stepson and always was there for him until this day. His mom gave
    custody to my husband when the baby was 8 months old. She gave the baby to my
    husband because she was young and wanted to go out one Saturday and didn't
    find anyone to take care of baby. She used to see him for about a couple of
    hours in monthly basis and quickly stop. Sometimes she didn't see her son for
    years and neither called to see how he was doing, to say happy birthday, merry
    christmas, etc. In other words, it took a nite out to forget about her baby...
    So, I tried to be like a mom for him, but it didn't work. At the beginning,
    everything was perfect. As soon as we moved in together, I set up rules in the
    house, and took some attention from his father, everything changed. He started
    with little things until they got bigger and bigger...

    In 2005, we sent him on vacation for a week to his grandma's house. That
    turned to a nightmare. He wanted a playstation and told his grandma that i was
    the worst person in the world, and that i abused him. He also stated that he
    didn't want to live with us. So, she immediately went to our house, verbally
    assulted and accused me and tried to keep my stepson with her. My husband
    refused and we all stop talking to each other. We talked to my stepson but
    nothing changed. My mother-in-law and her other son called DYFS and reported
    the suppossed abuse. That was probably case number 9 opened but there was
    never substantiated case until last year. Up to now, I have two physical child
    abuse allegations been substantiated.

    On the other hand, I feel that i wasted my time helping a child that in
    reality is not mine. I did the best i could and here im paying for his mom's
    mistakes while his biological mother is still out there having fun. It's just
    not fair. So now, I refuse to take care of him and to be alone with him in the
    house because im afraid that he would come up with a more terrible story that
    can cost me my job, peace, life, and most importantly, my only biological son
    who still a baby. My husband thinks Im wrong and that i should change the
    things his son would like me to change so that this family can be as happy as
    before we got married. Honestly, I don't think that can ever happen since Im
    very hurt from this whole situation and every day it just gets worst! My
    stepson just have to open his mouth and fake anything, and the school and my
    husband immediately are asking what your stepmom did to you. Then if he says
    that i didn't do anything to him, they keep asking him to say the truth that
    everything is going to be alright....their commom phrase is: "you look kind of
    nervous, are you scare of someone? As you can infer, my husband also belives
    that everythng we're going through is my fault and that most of the times, my
    stepson is saying the truth. But, at the same time, my husband wants me to
    take care of his child, which i refuse to do due to what i seen he's able to
    do to get what he wants.

    Last year, I had a baby who is now 7 months old. Him and my job are my life.
    He is now added to both cases because according to DYFS, once a child is
    involved, then the remaining children are at risk too. I honestly don't know
    what i would do if i lose my son or my job, which i worked extremely hard for.

    I believe i can write a book about my life. Thereofre, I guess i stop here
    before you get tired of reading.... Lastly, I feel that my best solution right
    now is getting divorce, so that i can be in peace, keep my son, my job, and
    try to be happy...I know that my stepson will be the happiest person if i get
    divorce. It's so sad to see how a such of young boy can manipulate so many
    people and fool them to manage the situation.

    I just hope to find a good lawyer and end up this nightmare. DYFS should
    investigate deeply before substantiating causes that harm people since that
    stays in our record. I was treated by DYFS like if i was a criminal or lier,
    an abusive person when they should really investigate his parents background
    and mine to see if they feel that i may be capable of doing any child abuse.
    Instead, they went around and got verbal iinformation from my stepson school
    and also my stepson, which testimonies developed the conclusion of both cases.

    Thank you for taking time to read my article and please send any
    recommendations. I;m very stress, worru and afraid to lose my son in the
    future if i decide to keep my marriage, which means my stepson--a child that's
    destroying my entire life!!!

    On 8/11/06, Raynne wrote:
    > I agree that DYFS needs some serious changes - they have a good intention
    > and there are a lot of cities in jersey where the children are in danger.
    > However, there are a lot of "children" who work for them. Having a passion
    > for helping people should not mean you are qualified to deal with the daily
    > agony these workers deal with on a daily basis. You should be well educated
    > and preferably be a parent. I have noticed that those without children -
    > just toss your case around without care, because they just dont understand
    > what tearing apart a family can do. Dyfs workers have access to tons of
    > programs - and they dont even use half of them. They are too focused on what
    > their job is "to protect the welfare of the child" - that they are so
    > blinded on how to actually do their job. I have been involved on both ends
    > of dyfs - both as the one being concerned about and being the one being
    > hounded by. When they were caring for me, it was a different time and the
    > people who worked there actually cared about the person and not the case,
    > when they didn't have a desk full of papers of cases they either couldnt
    > handle or get to in time. Now - things are so different. Dyfs is
    > unorganized, nobody knows what the other hand is doing, they always have to
    > get second opinions or they cant even answer a single question without
    > having to talk to someone else. Why are these people who are so
    > unknowledgeable put in charge of peoples lives? Because they are so
    > overworked, your case will get shuffled around and it will take forever to
    > find out any truths (provided they are even looking), and they just wont
    > have time to even talk to you to find out whats going on. They dont want to
    > hear anything you have to say, all they care about is what they are being
    > told to do. Think of them all as puppets who only know how to go forward
    > when they are being told to by someone else. I don't know about you - but
    > that scares the hell out of me. Knowing that my kids future and my own are
    > in the hands of someone who doesnt have the time or the resources to treat
    > the case properly. They will try to keep your case open as long as possible,
    > even when there is no reason to - and its probably not so that they can keep
    > an eye on the child, but because it gives them more time to get involved in
    > your case and find the errors they made in the beginning (all the while your
    > life is still turned upside down with no changes in sight).
    > I have to reply to the dyfs worker who blew up at the other guy - I mean I
    > can understand you are upset because you are a dyfs worker - but dont wear
    > your heart on your sleeve. And I have to say that just because an allegation
    > was made - doesnt mean that something happened. There are false allegations
    > all the time made by both children and their friends and neighbors..etc. It
    > happens when people are so nosy to butt into your life but wont get nosy
    > enough to find out what the hell is going on in your family. So they send
    > the state in, thinking they are doing something good - and that family's
    > life is now turned upside down. They have to go through an appeal process so
    > that any abuse that was allegated is not on your record (because that
    > affects your employment). Not counting if the case goes to the courts for
    > anything. Try affording a lawyer in the state of NEW JERSEY or even one that
    > will deal with DYFS. They have to go to counseling, they have to get
    > counseling for their child, they have to pray that their child will tell the
    > truth or that their childs answer will be believed. There are plenty of dyfs
    > workers out there who only believe what they are told and automatically
    > assume that the child is lying because they are told to and then they dig
    > further into your lives trying to find something to grab a hold of to prove
    > that they are right. Because god knows the state cant be wrong. They will
    > search and search until they find 1 single piece of something that doesnt
    > exist but is able to be transformed into what they want so they dont look
    > stupid. The whole time they are doing this - they are threatening to take
    > your child away, or they do take your child away. Do you know how torturing
    > it is to the child and the parent to only be able to have a 1 hour visit per
    > week with your child that is supervised in a tiny room with no windows when
    > you are guilty of nothing? They dont care - its their job, its what their
    > supervisor allowed them to do. Now I am not saying that dyfs isnt being
    > caring, only that they are being overprotective of children they shouldnt be
    > and not protective enough of ones that need it. I have seen children who
    > have been abused - only for the kids to remain at home and the cases be
    > dropped. And I have seen children who were not abused and the case remains
    > open for years because they dont want to look like an ass. Dyfs has the
    > scary control over the custody of your child, the residence of your child,
    > anything at all - they only have to request it and a judge will grant it.
    > Why is there no hearing, why are the parents not allowed to go? Why is it so
    > easy for a dyfs worker who just feels like "oh well i dont see anything
    > going on and we will just remove the child to be sure" and they go and get a
    > judge and within days you lose your child and your rights as a parent. They
    > will tell you, oh no you are their parent but you do not have custody. Ok so
    > what does that mean? My name is on the birth certificate - is that the only
    > right I have to the child now...because everything else has to go through a
    > dyfs worker. Mind you - all of this ranting is not my situation - part of it
    > is mine, and part of it is what i've seen.
    > While DYFS is a good idea, the people they have working for them are a
    > majority ridiculous. Now there are some workers that yes - care deeply and
    > try their best. But if you work for dyfs - be realistic...no matter how much
    > you care about the case or feel it when you go home....you are overworked
    > and overwhelmed and there is no possible way that you are unbiased to
    > anything and can properly control anything you have on your desk. If the
    > state took the time to educate you properly and allowed you to make full use
    > of the programs that the tax payers pay for, maybe you would have more
    > control and the outcomes would be based on something more accurate and not
    > just a hunch or some strangers word. So while I feel for some of the people
    > employed at DYFS - I despise the division as a whole (as it stands today)
    > and the people who work for them and dont stand up for anything and act only
    > as puppets to another uneducated person who is only doing what they are told
    > to do.

     
     

 
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