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Re: DYFS degenerates
Posted by arelis on 3/11/07

    On 1/21/07, kathy wrote:
    > I totally agree with Raynne. The entire message relates to my case. I am 25
    > yeaars old, married for two years and recently had a baby boy. I married a man
    > who already had a child on his own. We got married 2004 and as soon as we move
    > in together, my stepson started creating this story with DYFS that never ends.
    > I knew my stepson and always was there for him until this day. His mom gave
    > custody to my husband when the baby was 8 months old. She gave the baby to my
    > husband because she was young and wanted to go out one Saturday and didn't
    > find anyone to take care of baby. She used to see him for about a couple of
    > hours in monthly basis and quickly stop. Sometimes she didn't see her son for
    > years and neither called to see how he was doing, to say happy birthday, merry
    > christmas, etc. In other words, it took a nite out to forget about her baby...
    > So, I tried to be like a mom for him, but it didn't work. At the beginning,
    > everything was perfect. As soon as we moved in together, I set up rules in the
    > house, and took some attention from his father, everything changed. He started
    > with little things until they got bigger and bigger...
    >
    > In 2005, we sent him on vacation for a week to his grandma's house. That
    > turned to a nightmare. He wanted a playstation and told his grandma that i was
    > the worst person in the world, and that i abused him. He also stated that he
    > didn't want to live with us. So, she immediately went to our house, verbally
    > assulted and accused me and tried to keep my stepson with her. My husband
    > refused and we all stop talking to each other. We talked to my stepson but
    > nothing changed. My mother-in-law and her other son called DYFS and reported
    > the suppossed abuse. That was probably case number 9 opened but there was
    > never substantiated case until last year. Up to now, I have two physical child
    > abuse allegations been substantiated.
    >
    > On the other hand, I feel that i wasted my time helping a child that in
    > reality is not mine. I did the best i could and here im paying for his mom's
    > mistakes while his biological mother is still out there having fun. It's just
    > not fair. So now, I refuse to take care of him and to be alone with him in the
    > house because im afraid that he would come up with a more terrible story that
    > can cost me my job, peace, life, and most importantly, my only biological son
    > who still a baby. My husband thinks Im wrong and that i should change the
    > things his son would like me to change so that this family can be as happy as
    > before we got married. Honestly, I don't think that can ever happen since Im
    > very hurt from this whole situation and every day it just gets worst! My
    > stepson just have to open his mouth and fake anything, and the school and my
    > husband immediately are asking what your stepmom did to you. Then if he says
    > that i didn't do anything to him, they keep asking him to say the truth that
    > everything is going to be alright....their commom phrase is: "you look kind of
    > nervous, are you scare of someone? As you can infer, my husband also belives
    > that everythng we're going through is my fault and that most of the times, my
    > stepson is saying the truth. But, at the same time, my husband wants me to
    > take care of his child, which i refuse to do due to what i seen he's able to
    > do to get what he wants.
    >
    > Last year, I had a baby who is now 7 months old. Him and my job are my life.
    > He is now added to both cases because according to DYFS, once a child is
    > involved, then the remaining children are at risk too. I honestly don't know
    > what i would do if i lose my son or my job, which i worked extremely hard for.
    >
    > I believe i can write a book about my life. Thereofre, I guess i stop here
    > before you get tired of reading.... Lastly, I feel that my best solution right
    > now is getting divorce, so that i can be in peace, keep my son, my job, and
    > try to be happy...I know that my stepson will be the happiest person if i get
    > divorce. It's so sad to see how a such of young boy can manipulate so many
    > people and fool them to manage the situation.
    >
    > I just hope to find a good lawyer and end up this nightmare. DYFS should
    > investigate deeply before substantiating causes that harm people since that
    > stays in our record. I was treated by DYFS like if i was a criminal or lier,
    > an abusive person when they should really investigate his parents background
    > and mine to see if they feel that i may be capable of doing any child abuse.
    > Instead, they went around and got verbal iinformation from my stepson school
    > and also my stepson, which testimonies developed the conclusion of both cases.
    >
    > Thank you for taking time to read my article and please send any
    > recommendations. I;m very stress, worru and afraid to lose my son in the
    > future if i decide to keep my marriage, which means my stepson--a child that's
    > destroying my entire life!!!
    >
    >
    >
    > On 8/11/06, Raynne wrote:
    >> I agree that DYFS needs some serious changes - they have a good intention
    >> and there are a lot of cities in jersey where the children are in danger.
    >> However, there are a lot of "children" who work for them. Having a passion
    >> for helping people should not mean you are qualified to deal with the daily
    >> agony these workers deal with on a daily basis. You should be well educated
    >> and preferably be a parent. I have noticed that those without children -
    >> just toss your case around without care, because they just dont understand
    >> what tearing apart a family can do. Dyfs workers have access to tons of
    >> programs - and they dont even use half of them. They are too focused on what
    >> their job is "to protect the welfare of the child" - that they are so
    >> blinded on how to actually do their job. I have been involved on both ends
    >> of dyfs - both as the one being concerned about and being the one being
    >> hounded by. When they were caring for me, it was a different time and the
    >> people who worked there actually cared about the person and not the case,
    >> when they didn't have a desk full of papers of cases they either couldnt
    >> handle or get to in time. Now - things are so different. Dyfs is
    >> unorganized, nobody knows what the other hand is doing, they always have to
    >> get second opinions or they cant even answer a single question without
    >> having to talk to someone else. Why are these people who are so
    >> unknowledgeable put in charge of peoples lives? Because they are so
    >> overworked, your case will get shuffled around and it will take forever to
    >> find out any truths (provided they are even looking), and they just wont
    >> have time to even talk to you to find out whats going on. They dont want to
    >> hear anything you have to say, all they care about is what they are being
    >> told to do. Think of them all as puppets who only know how to go forward
    >> when they are being told to by someone else. I don't know about you - but
    >> that scares the hell out of me. Knowing that my kids future and my own are
    >> in the hands of someone who doesnt have the time or the resources to treat
    >> the case properly. They will try to keep your case open as long as possible,
    >> even when there is no reason to - and its probably not so that they can keep
    >> an eye on the child, but because it gives them more time to get involved in
    >> your case and find the errors they made in the beginning (all the while your
    >> life is still turned upside down with no changes in sight).
    >> I have to reply to the dyfs worker who blew up at the other guy - I mean I
    >> can understand you are upset because you are a dyfs worker - but dont wear
    >> your heart on your sleeve. And I have to say that just because an allegation
    >> was made - doesnt mean that something happened. There are false allegations
    >> all the time made by both children and their friends and neighbors..etc. It
    >> happens when people are so nosy to butt into your life but wont get nosy
    >> enough to find out what the hell is going on in your family. So they send
    >> the state in, thinking they are doing something good - and that family's
    >> life is now turned upside down. They have to go through an appeal process so
    >> that any abuse that was allegated is not on your record (because that
    >> affects your employment). Not counting if the case goes to the courts for
    >> anything. Try affording a lawyer in the state of NEW JERSEY or even one that
    >> will deal with DYFS. They have to go to counseling, they have to get
    >> counseling for their child, they have to pray that their child will tell the
    >> truth or that their childs answer will be believed. There are plenty of dyfs
    >> workers out there who only believe what they are told and automatically
    >> assume that the child is lying because they are told to and then they dig
    >> further into your lives trying to find something to grab a hold of to prove
    >> that they are right. Because god knows the state cant be wrong. They will
    >> search and search until they find 1 single piece of something that doesnt
    >> exist but is able to be transformed into what they want so they dont look
    >> stupid. The whole time they are doing this - they are threatening to take
    >> your child away, or they do take your child away. Do you know how torturing
    >> it is to the child and the parent to only be able to have a 1 hour visit per
    >> week with your child that is supervised in a tiny room with no windows when
    >> you are guilty of nothing? They dont care - its their job, its what their
    >> supervisor allowed them to do. Now I am not saying that dyfs isnt being
    >> caring, only that they are being overprotective of children they shouldnt be
    >> and not protective enough of ones that need it. I have seen children who
    >> have been abused - only for the kids to remain at home and the cases be
    >> dropped. And I have seen children who were not abused and the case remains
    >> open for years because they dont want to look like an ass. Dyfs has the
    >> scary control over the custody of your child, the residence of your child,
    >> anything at all - they only have to request it and a judge will grant it.
    >> Why is there no hearing, why are the parents not allowed to go? Why is it so
    >> easy for a dyfs worker who just feels like "oh well i dont see anything
    >> going on and we will just remove the child to be sure" and they go and get a
    >> judge and within days you lose your child and your rights as a parent. They
    >> will tell you, oh no you are their parent but you do not have custody. Ok so
    >> what does that mean? My name is on the birth certificate - is that the only
    >> right I have to the child now...because everything else has to go through a
    >> dyfs worker. Mind you - all of this ranting is not my situation - part of it
    >> is mine, and part of it is what i've seen.
    >> While DYFS is a good idea, the people they have working for them are a
    >> majority ridiculous. Now there are some workers that yes - care deeply and
    >> try their best. But if you work for dyfs - be realistic...no matter how much
    >> you care about the case or feel it when you go home....you are overworked
    >> and overwhelmed and there is no possible way that you are unbiased to
    >> anything and can properly control anything you have on your desk. If the
    >> state took the time to educate you properly and allowed you to make full use
    >> of the programs that the tax payers pay for, maybe you would have more
    >> control and the outcomes would be based on something more accurate and not
    >> just a hunch or some strangers word. So while I feel for some of the people
    >> employed at DYFS - I despise the division as a whole (as it stands today)
    >> and the people who work for them and dont stand up for anything and act only
    >> as puppets to another uneducated person who is only doing what they are told
    >> to do.

     
     

 
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