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Re: DYFS degenerates
Posted by mothers pain on 4/02/07

    On 3/11/07, arelis wrote:
    > On 3/11/07, arelis wrote: I am reading these postings and cannot believe that so
    > much harm can b done to families and we cannot do anything about it. I am scared
    > saddened and confused. I moved to Nj in May of last year and it has been a
    > nightmare. I came from NYC and I personally had a case in NY about 6 years ago, I
    > have been clean and sober since and have changed my life drastically, Not only did
    > I go back to college and am 10 credits short of getting my degree as a drug
    > therapist but I also have a very successful business wheras I was able to purchase
    > a 15 room home in a very nice neighborhood. I am also a mother of 5 whom does not
    > depend on the state to support my family and thank God have been able to live
    > quite comfortably. During the summer I noticed that my partner was drinking every
    > day and became very bothered by this because I do not like to be around drunks
    > wheras this caused fighting amongst us and one day I called the police and tried
    > to get a TRO...Little did i know that I would regret this for the rest of my life.
    > Ever since this call DYFS has digged for everything they could on me and even told
    > me that I work toomuch and going to school also takes time from me spending with
    > my children, mind you my children are cared for by my mother and father whom I
    > moved into my home to help me. I never thought that working and bettering yourself
    > was a crime. I made the mistake of telling them that I had a case in NY and they
    > will not leave me alone. The worst part of it all is that I recently had surgery
    > to my back and live with 6 screws and equipment in my back so I have to take pain
    > killers to be able to control the chronic pain I live in...well DYFS feels that my
    > children are in danger because of my past drug use and even though I have a doctor
    > and tons of paperwork all this is going on deaf ears. I know that I will win this
    > case in court if the courts work fairly but im not sure what can happen and
    > therefore have allowed them to continue to demand things from me whereas I had to
    > stop school after getting so close to graduating and my profits in my business are
    > also suffering because I am not able to give so much time due to the constant
    > requirements of DYFS. This case has not gone to court and would like someone to
    > advise me on what I should do. Since July I have complied with all their
    > requirements and they seem to find something else. I cannot take it anymore and
    > want to live a normal life wihtout someone dictating to me how to run my life. Is
    > there justice in NJ or should I continue to be treated like a criminal because of
    > the fear due to the threats that if I do not comply and agree with their plans
    > they will get an emergency order to remove my kids. I cannot put my kids through
    > this but presently I am not even allowed to be alone with my children without my
    > parent's supervision. My kids are 4, 5, 7, 14 and 17 and they cannot understand
    > this, they are tired of these people and love me to death. I planned on taking my
    > kids on vacation this summer and that is all they speak about, now I do not know
    > what will happen. Should I risk taking this to a judge so he can determine what to
    > do and avoid this constant harrasment.Please advise!!!!
    >
    >
    >
    >
    >> On 1/21/07, kathy wrote:
    >>> I totally agree with Raynne. The entire message relates to my case. I am 25
    >>> yeaars old, married for two years and recently had a baby boy. I married a man
    >>> who already had a child on his own. We got married 2004 and as soon as we move
    >>> in together, my stepson started creating this story with DYFS that never ends.
    >>> I knew my stepson and always was there for him until this day. His mom gave
    >>> custody to my husband when the baby was 8 months old. She gave the baby to my
    >>> husband because she was young and wanted to go out one Saturday and didn't
    >>> find anyone to take care of baby. She used to see him for about a couple of
    >>> hours in monthly basis and quickly stop. Sometimes she didn't see her son for
    >>> years and neither called to see how he was doing, to say happy birthday, merry
    >>> christmas, etc. In other words, it took a nite out to forget about her baby...
    >>> So, I tried to be like a mom for him, but it didn't work. At the beginning,
    >>> everything was perfect. As soon as we moved in together, I set up rules in the
    >>> house, and took some attention from his father, everything changed. He started
    >>> with little things until they got bigger and bigger...
    >>>
    >>> In 2005, we sent him on vacation for a week to his grandma's house. That
    >>> turned to a nightmare. He wanted a playstation and told his grandma that i was
    >>> the worst person in the world, and that i abused him. He also stated that he
    >>> didn't want to live with us. So, she immediately went to our house, verbally
    >>> assulted and accused me and tried to keep my stepson with her. My husband
    >>> refused and we all stop talking to each other. We talked to my stepson but
    >>> nothing changed. My mother-in-law and her other son called DYFS and reported
    >>> the suppossed abuse. That was probably case number 9 opened but there was
    >>> never substantiated case until last year. Up to now, I have two physical child
    >>> abuse allegations been substantiated.
    >>>
    >>> On the other hand, I feel that i wasted my time helping a child that in
    >>> reality is not mine. I did the best i could and here im paying for his mom's
    >>> mistakes while his biological mother is still out there having fun. It's just
    >>> not fair. So now, I refuse to take care of him and to be alone with him in the
    >>> house because im afraid that he would come up with a more terrible story that
    >>> can cost me my job, peace, life, and most importantly, my only biological son
    >>> who still a baby. My husband thinks Im wrong and that i should change the
    >>> things his son would like me to change so that this family can be as happy as
    >>> before we got married. Honestly, I don't think that can ever happen since Im
    >>> very hurt from this whole situation and every day it just gets worst! My
    >>> stepson just have to open his mouth and fake anything, and the school and my
    >>> husband immediately are asking what your stepmom did to you. Then if he says
    >>> that i didn't do anything to him, they keep asking him to say the truth that
    >>> everything is going to be alright....their commom phrase is: "you look kind of
    >>> nervous, are you scare of someone? As you can infer, my husband also belives
    >>> that everythng we're going through is my fault and that most of the times, my
    >>> stepson is saying the truth. But, at the same time, my husband wants me to
    >>> take care of his child, which i refuse to do due to what i seen he's able to
    >>> do to get what he wants.
    >>>
    >>> Last year, I had a baby who is now 7 months old. Him and my job are my life.
    >>> He is now added to both cases because according to DYFS, once a child is
    >>> involved, then the remaining children are at risk too. I honestly don't know
    >>> what i would do if i lose my son or my job, which i worked extremely hard for.
    >>>
    >>> I believe i can write a book about my life. Thereofre, I guess i stop here
    >>> before you get tired of reading.... Lastly, I feel that my best solution right
    >>> now is getting divorce, so that i can be in peace, keep my son, my job, and
    >>> try to be happy...I know that my stepson will be the happiest person if i get
    >>> divorce. It's so sad to see how a such of young boy can manipulate so many
    >>> people and fool them to manage the situation.
    >>>
    >>> I just hope to find a good lawyer and end up this nightmare. DYFS should
    >>> investigate deeply before substantiating causes that harm people since that
    >>> stays in our record. I was treated by DYFS like if i was a criminal or lier,
    >>> an abusive person when they should really investigate his parents background
    >>> and mine to see if they feel that i may be capable of doing any child abuse.
    >>> Instead, they went around and got verbal iinformation from my stepson school
    >>> and also my stepson, which testimonies developed the conclusion of both cases.
    >>>
    >>> Thank you for taking time to read my article and please send any
    >>> recommendations. I;m very stress, worru and afraid to lose my son in the
    >>> future if i decide to keep my marriage, which means my stepson--a child that's
    >>> destroying my entire life!!!
    >>>
    >>> Dear Kathy,
    My husband and I are in the same situation,
    >>> My daughter is 13 and from a previous long term relationship her biological
    father could care less to be in her life . he has not been around for two years . My
    husband and I got married in 2001 , and now we have a 19 month old .Last month we got
    a knock at the door from DYFS , I personally thought that they were here to question
    me about one of our tennents who lives in one of our other houses.I WAS WRONG!To my
    horror it was for us .Let me set the picture I have been a professional nanny for
    almost 8 years and also years ago owned a day care in my home taking care of children
    of single parents going to work , paid by the state.My husband and I are christians
    who attend church every week I am a deacon and my husband an Elder.We live in a
    beautiful home that we have reconstructed our selves for five years , my daughters
    room is hand painted by me with a garden and a fence with butterflies , she and my
    son have everything that they could possibly want or need.We do everything as a
    family and as a matter of fact. Niether one of my children have ever been with a
    babysitter , only cllose family or my best friend and only in extreme necessity.We
    are basically known that we will care for children and are most of the time the ones
    to volunteer for any teenage trips to, corn mazes or taking my daughter and friends
    all over creation to make them all happy. My daughter only knows my husband as her
    father she does not call her biological father dad. Well all of a sudden things have
    changed we are now hearing that Dyfs interviewed my daughter at school and she is
    claiming abuse and calling her father , my husband , stepdad! I am not sure what the
    heck happened but she has been the most evil person that could ever be.She was not
    like this before DYFS spoke with her and gave her this extreme power over us , she
    has made demands such as no bedtime, and allowed to be online when ever she wants ,
    and TV to her little hearts content.THANKS DYFS for inpowering a kid , who does not
    know how this will hurt her in her future , not to mention that my son who is a baby
    is also in jeopardy because of the things she is saying. We are both afraid of what
    she may say next. The DYFS lady said not to talk to her . so all last week we only
    spoke to her when needed and now they are saying that we are isolating her. Now did I
    mention that she had her period for the 4th time during all of this , and of course
    not once did that come up with DYFS. That emotions could be at play or the fact that
    she was an only child for 11and a half years .Did I mention that they contacted her
    biological father in all this , yes they just thought they would let him know the
    dangers,as if he really gives a crap,its just a way for him to use against us now ,
    Again THANKS DYFS!Funny they dont bring up any of the stuff he did in the
    past ,because that doesnt count ,but our past has been brought up constantly in this
    dyfs thing. By the way my husband and I are still afraid to be in the same room in
    fear that she will say other lies. I feel for you and I will pray for your situation
    as well. I think that dyfs is not handeling our situations properly and completely
    unjust when they are treating good law abi

    ding citizens ,and good people like criminials and the criminals have all of the
    rightsand you don't at all. my children are my life and my breath i cannot be lieve
    that this is even real ,i have devoted my entire life to my children and others
    children too ,They really need to do better investigations on people. I could give
    them reference lists of people in numberous amounts that could tell them of us as
    afamily and parents, but they don't want that!Funny isn't it they only want to talk
    to people that will fall into the trap of there double talk and leading
    conversation.Again I am sorry for what you are going through keep your head held high.
    >>> On 8/11/06, Raynne wrote:
    >>>> I agree that DYFS needs some serious changes - they have a good intention
    >>>> and there are a lot of cities in jersey where the children are in danger.
    >>>> However, there are a lot of "children" who work for them. Having a passion
    >>>> for helping people should not mean you are qualified to deal with the daily
    >>>> agony these workers deal with on a daily basis. You should be well educated
    >>>> and preferably be a parent. I have noticed that those without children -
    >>>> just toss your case around without care, because they just dont understand
    >>>> what tearing apart a family can do. Dyfs workers have access to tons of
    >>>> programs - and they dont even use half of them. They are too focused on what
    >>>> their job is "to protect the welfare of the child" - that they are so
    >>>> blinded on how to actually do their job. I have been involved on both ends
    >>>> of dyfs - both as the one being concerned about and being the one being
    >>>> hounded by. When they were caring for me, it was a different time and the
    >>>> people who worked there actually cared about the person and not the case,
    >>>> when they didn't have a desk full of papers of cases they either couldnt
    >>>> handle or get to in time. Now - things are so different. Dyfs is
    >>>> unorganized, nobody knows what the other hand is doing, they always have to
    >>>> get second opinions or they cant even answer a single question without
    >>>> having to talk to someone else. Why are these people who are so
    >>>> unknowledgeable put in charge of peoples lives? Because they are so
    >>>> overworked, your case will get shuffled around and it will take forever to
    >>>> find out any truths (provided they are even looking), and they just wont
    >>>> have time to even talk to you to find out whats going on. They dont want to
    >>>> hear anything you have to say, all they care about is what they are being
    >>>> told to do. Think of them all as puppets who only know how to go forward
    >>>> when they are being told to by someone else. I don't know about you - but
    >>>> that scares the hell out of me. Knowing that my kids future and my own are
    >>>> in the hands of someone who doesnt have the time or the resources to treat
    >>>> the case properly. They will try to keep your case open as long as possible,
    >>>> even when there is no reason to - and its probably not so that they can keep
    >>>> an eye on the child, but because it gives them more time to get involved in
    >>>> your case and find the errors they made in the beginning (all the while your
    >>>> life is still turned upside down with no changes in sight).
    >>>> I have to reply to the dyfs worker who blew up at the other guy - I mean I
    >>>> can understand you are upset because you are a dyfs worker - but dont wear
    >>>> your heart on your sleeve. And I have to say that just because an allegation
    >>>> was made - doesnt mean that something happened. There are false allegations
    >>>> all the time made by both children and their friends and neighbors..etc. It
    >>>> happens when people are so nosy to butt into your life but wont get nosy
    >>>> enough to find out what the hell is going on in your family. So they send
    >>>> the state in, thinking they are doing something good - and that family's
    >>>> life is now turned upside down. They have to go through an appeal process so
    >>>> that any abuse that was allegated is not on your record (because that
    >>>> affects your employment). Not counting if the case goes to the courts for
    >>>> anything. Try affording a lawyer in the state of NEW JERSEY or even one that
    >>>> will deal with DYFS. They have to go to counseling, they have to get
    >>>> counseling for their child, they have to pray that their child will tell the
    >>>> truth or that their childs answer will be believed. There are plenty of dyfs
    >>>> workers out there who only believe what they are told and automatically
    >>>> assume that the child is lying because they are told to and then they dig
    >>>> further into your lives trying to find something to grab a hold of to prove
    >>>> that they are right. Because god knows the state cant be wrong. They will
    >>>> search and search until they find 1 single piece of something that doesnt
    >>>> exist but is able to be transformed into what they want so they dont look
    >>>> stupid. The whole time they are doing this - they are threatening to take
    >>>> your child away, or they do take your child away. Do you know how torturing
    >>>> it is to the child and the parent to only be able to have a 1 hour visit per
    >>>> week with your child that is supervised in a tiny room with no windows when
    >>>> you are guilty of nothing? They dont care - its their job, its what their
    >>>> supervisor allowed them to do. Now I am not saying that dyfs isnt being
    >>>> caring, only that they are being overprotective of children they shouldnt be
    >>>> and not protective enough of ones that need it. I have seen children who
    >>>> have been abused - only for the kids to remain at home and the cases be
    >>>> dropped. And I have seen children who were not abused and the case remains
    >>>> open for years because they dont want to look like an ass. Dyfs has the
    >>>> scary control over the custody of your child, the residence of your child,
    >>>> anything at all - they only have to request it and a judge will grant it.
    >>>> Why is there no hearing, why are the parents not allowed to go? Why is it so
    >>>> easy for a dyfs worker who just feels like "oh well i dont see anything
    >>>> going on and we will just remove the child to be sure" and they go and get a
    >>>> judge and within days you lose your child and your rights as a parent. They
    >>>> will tell you, oh no you are their parent but you do not have custody. Ok so
    >>>> what does that mean? My name is on the birth certificate - is that the only
    >>>> right I have to the child now...because everything else has to go through a
    >>>> dyfs worker. Mind you - all of this ranting is not my situation - part of it
    >>>> is mine, and part of it is what i've seen.
    >>>> While DYFS is a good idea, the people they have working for them are a
    >>>> majority ridiculous. Now there are some workers that yes - care deeply and
    >>>> try their best. But if you work for dyfs - be realistic...no matter how much
    >>>> you care about the case or feel it when you go home....you are overworked
    >>>> and overwhelmed and there is no possible way that you are unbiased to
    >>>> anything and can properly control anything you have on your desk. If the
    >>>> state took the time to educate you properly and allowed you to make full use
    >>>> of the programs that the tax payers pay for, maybe you would have more
    >>>> control and the outcomes would be based on something more accurate and not
    >>>> just a hunch or some strangers word. So while I feel for some of the people
    >>>> employed at DYFS - I despise the division as a whole (as it stands today)
    >>>> and the people who work for them and dont stand up for anything and act only
    >>>> as puppets to another uneducated person who is only doing what they are told
    >>>> to do.

     
     

 
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