Posted by Kevin on 4/12/10

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I have a situation that I find amazingly appalling that
exists in our judicial system today with regard to Family
Cases and establishment of paternity and time sharing with
children. I am in pursuit to see what the public opinion
is and to hopefully glean perspective, as I feel I have
almost found the end of my road to ascertain any affect.
What keeps my determination of driving forward, despite
the overwhelming obstacles, is that I have garnered so
much love for my daughter and certainly she deserves a
father who would never give up on her. Nor would I ever
want to look her in the eyes one day and have to answer
the questions of “Why did you give up?” or “Did you not
love me enough?”, etc…

Here is the story: I am a father now of a beautiful 4
month old little girl. Since being told by her mother via
text she was pregnant, to whom I was never married but in
a relationship for about 4 years, the course proved to be
an unfortunate struggle of learning how to circumvent an
empowered mother’s control to have a close relationship
with my daughter. The control stems mostly from desired
retaliation from our previous relationship, which was
mutually (supposedly) found to be not working. I have
faced one vengeful act after another, from keeping me in
the waiting room for the duration of the doctor
appointments I was allowed to attend, to denying me any
say in my daughters name, and so on. I have endured
countless acts of inexcusable behavior all because she
knows how committed I am to taking the ownership and
responsibility of being a father to my child and she has
the security of knowing I am not going anywhere.
Therefore, she has comfort in knowing she can treat me
however without the fear that I would abandon. When she
was admitted into the hospital about 3 weeks before the
birth due to further complications, instead of notifying
me, I find out she put herself under an alias name (after
her repeated promise of notifying me of the birth) so that
I wouldn’t find out until I was called 4 hours after the C-
section. I later found out that the court documents to
establish child support was filed the morning of her birth
by her attorney an hour before I was ever even called
letting me know my little girl had been born.
Unbelievable! The whole while I have been determined to
put my daughter above my own selfish desire but how do you
affect anything when you are powerless?

With every step and turn I have taken, I’m left finding
the same closed doors found previous. The courts, of
course, when there is disagreement and unwillingness to
amicably resolve, ends up being a long drawn out process
especially when the others counsel knows how to work every
stall tactic to their favor. As it stands now, by the time
this case is heard my daughter will be well over a year
old.

I have done quite a lot of research with regard to early
childhood development and have found based on the
attachment theory, decades of research, the critical time
for establishing a secure bond with a child is most
successful within the ages of 3 to 12 months with
overnights being crucial. I’m starting to see a trend,
where fathers are being recognized as being a vital part
and role for their children in the private sector;
however, it seems it’s still a long way from any
significant changes in the courts despite now knowing it’s
truly in the best interest of our children! How does a
father that genuinely aches to have a close relationship
with his daughter ensure she has the opportunity to bond,
when the mother is doing everything she can to prevent
that from happening? Our daughter deserves both parents to
have the opportunity to establish the close and meaningful
bond and relationship that is imperative for her ongoing
comfort and security when spending time with either
parent. Mediation proved no help as it lasted about 10
minutes with her offering visits with no specific times
(specified as both parties agreeing) and no overnights for
3 years to then follow with every other weekend and 1
dinner a week, which in turn was obviously rejected and
only led to her attorney moving to impasse and state “See
you in court!” After being completely kept from seeing my
daughter for a month, I pursued an emergency hearing to
force my ability to see her. When that motion was sent to
opposing counsel they conceded to 1 day a week
unsupervised visitation to prevent the hearing from being
honored, to which no surprise was denied when that 1 day a
week was established. I am amazed at her behavior and how
it is even allowed, but like I said from the beginning I
press on because my daughter deserves that.

Father’s, where are you? I’m told I’m less than 1% when it
comes to an unwed father fighting for his rights because
I’m fighting so hard to be involved, I find that hard to
believe. When looking into the eyes of my little girl I
can’t imagine there aren’t other fathers who wouldn’t be
willing to sacrifice all for the good of their child as
well. I can see why some fathers would consider wanting to
give up because it is much cheaper, less stress, and
certainly easier. But it shouldn’t be that we, as fathers,
have to sacrifice and fight so hard to have what is
already ours! Of course understanding that also we, as
fathers, step up to the plate and take the full
responsibility of rearing our children as well! I am fully
willing and capable to love, nurture, care for, and give
my daughter everything she requires, why is it so hard to
be granted that right? It’s already proven that for the
best possible outcome and to develop a well rounded adult
it takes both a father and mother, or equivalent if not
fit, contributing their own attributes to their child. We
need to band together for the good of our children so they
have what is best! I’m angered for my little girl that she
is missing out on having her father be there to protect
her from the inevitable pain she will endure when she
learns that her mother kept her away from her father.

My reason for writing this blog is for:

1. Wanting to gain perspective and opinion on our
current family/judicial system in place and how it allows
a mother to be so empowered to keep a child from their
father, and

2. I would like to hear your suggestions and opinions
as it relates to my situation as well.

I am merely and humbly a father who desires to be a good
daddy to his little girl!

Thank you for your interest!

A Father's fight for time with his daughter in Florida..., 4/12/10, by Kevin.

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